Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
