so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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