Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
