apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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