Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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