I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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