There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
