you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I puked a lego.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
