Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
