the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
