I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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