we have officially lost it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
