When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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