I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You can't motorboat a personality
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
