ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
