This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
