Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
As shirtless as possible
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
