just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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