it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
