so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
