she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You dont lie about slip and slides
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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