My underwear smells like fireworks.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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