So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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