i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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