My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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