Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
