Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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