Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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