I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
