matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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