Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
