How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize