wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
