I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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