tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
