Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
