It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
