Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize