Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
