So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
