It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize