my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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