I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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