going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
