If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
