and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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