She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
