She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
