I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
