babies were throwing up all over the place
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
