So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
