i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
