Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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