Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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