There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
