Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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