You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
