I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
