i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
