singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
