The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
