This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
