I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
