cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
