oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
