maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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