I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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