Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
