Swine flu. Run for my life!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize