i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
