I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
