You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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